every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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