I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
