I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
