I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I need a beard to bite.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
