I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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