seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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