after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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