i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
