whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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