I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
