The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
