i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
