No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
