I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
