Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
