Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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