I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
tell me about the fingering
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
