You just made me feel so damn special
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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