i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
