WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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