Please, let me fuck your mom
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
