I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
