it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
