I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
