I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
