my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
