after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
