In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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