i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
