Who wears a wallet chain?!
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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