That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
