Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
