too bad you live with your parents still
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
