What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
