dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
