You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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