this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
