So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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