it was like a zeppelin in a condom
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
