Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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