Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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