This is not my ceiling
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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