But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
