I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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