Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
