Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
