Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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