It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
