you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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