kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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