There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I will pee on everything he values.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
