who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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