I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
