Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
